BREAKING NEWS:
Moose loose in Stockholm’s Royal Palace
By Martin Porteous in Stockholm
The Swedish Royal Guards were alerted at 04:01 this morning after a moose (Alces alces) was discovered inside the Royal Palace, the official residence of the Swedish monarch, Carl XVI Gustaf.
Reports vary as to how the statuesque beast, a male sporting impressive 24-point antlers, gained entry to one of the most tightly guarded buildings in the country. Late-night revellers claim to have seen a massive antlered entity crossing Skeppsbron Road en route to the palace.
One theory gaining support in reputable circles is that after swimming some four kilometres from an uninhabited island in the Stockholm Archipelago the moose ascended an emergency staircase at the shoreline directly in front of the palace before disappearing behind a delivery truck and slipping unnoticed past a security door temporarily left ajar in conjunction with an early-morning bread delivery to the palace kitchen. Having pierced the primary security line the hulking visitor enjoyed an unrestricted run through the downstairs corridors before accessing the central staircase, fortunately leaving only minimal marks on the irreplaceable oriental rugs. He then proceeded to the inner reaches of the palace.
Chief Inspector Sven Helgesson of the Swedish Police said in an English-language press release “We is looking into all possibilities. Trespassing is a crime, and ignorance of the law is not a excuse. Everybody know that – even mooses.”
Jessica Leijonstjerna is co-manager of Juicy Lucy’s Juice Bar at fashionable Stureplan and close friend of Princess Madeleine, third in line for the Swedish throne. Ms. Leijonstjerna told the popular Swedish daily newspaper Aftonbladet that the princess, armed with a musket hastily seized from the Royal Armoury, was close to shooting the intruding creature. The young royal reportedly said, “It was just three or four rooms away – I was ready to take it down, no matter how many shots I needed. I mean, the thing woke me up!”
During his unauthorized tour of the palace, the iconic Swedish herbivore passed through the regent’s hobby room, where a score of moose head trophies adorn the walls. Moose researchers from Gustavus Adolphus College in St. Peter Minnesota hypothesize that in this case, by leaving droppings across the parquet floor the great mammal was in fact paying poignant homage to the wall-bound, decapitated kin.
Having travelled a considerable distance within the palace, conservative estimates say two to three kilometres, the lanky brown beast, known in Sweden as the King of the Forest, proceeded to the third floor Guest Apartment and fell asleep on a diminutive seventeenth-century bed.
A team of moose experts from Stockholm’s Skansen Open-air Museum and Zoo, equipped with a forklift, was able to collect the animal without arousing it from its dormant state, and transport it to a secret location in a remote upcountry forest where it was released and left to sleep on a thick bed of moss. The team monitored the animal until sunrise, when it awoke and sauntered away, carrying its head in a distinctly regal fashion.
Further news of the incident will be reported as events develop.
Update 4/4/2009: If you find this story incredible, check the date of publication... ;o)